Proverbs 18:19 (ESV)
A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city,
and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.
In this proverb the first line is expanded by the second. The proverb addresses what will happen when a relationship, or someone we have some partnership with, becomes offended. Those we have called “brother,” when offended become much harder to win back. They become like a fortified city or (as the second line adds), the barred gates of a citadel, or castle. We should work hard to restore relationships with those who are close to us even faster than others. A brother offended is hard to win back. Once someone you love is offended it is even more difficult to win them back because when that love is turned to anger, or hate, or mistrust, it becomes like strong bars. This is something that often happens in families. It is what makes family issues so tough. Don’t wait to resolve anger and disputes. The longer you wait the harder it is to resolve. You may find yourself having to cut through the "bars of a citadel." The good news is that God has the power to break those bars. The word for “offended” is translated “transgressors” in this psalm:
Psalms 51:13 (ESV)
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you.
Psalm 51 is a plea by David for God’s forgiveness and cleansing. David had offended God and Israel with his sin with Bathsheba. David came to the place of repentance and he discovers God’s grace and forgiveness. But, note that after forgiveness there is a new teaching. The “transgressor” has to learn God’s “ways.” Psalm 51 is about repentance and the rebuilding of David’s walk with God. The bars of the citadel are broken through repentance and a new walk with God in His ways. The power of God’s grace cuts through the bars.
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