Proverbs 25:9-10
Argue your case with your neighbor himself,
and do not reveal another's secret,
lest he who hears you bring shame upon you,
and your ill repute have no end.
We can’t expect others to trust us if we are not truthful. We can’t expect others to be able to rely on us if we allow our tongues to wag about what is going on between two people. In the above proverbs we see that Solomon is teaching us a very important truth about how to hand conflict between two people. We can either build trust in the midst of conflict, or we can damage trust, further. In this caste we see that we are to “argue” our case, alone with our “neighbor.” The world “argue” is typically translated in the Old Testament as “quarreled.” When we have a dispute with someone near us, we are to make sure we do so, in “secret.” There are some things that are ONLY between two parties. There certainly is time to talk to someone else about a struggle, but the first step, is found in the truth of this verse. If we DON’T follow this passage we bring “shame” to ourselves. Following the verse does not mean that things will always work out. Remember what Paul told us about conflict:
Romans 12:18
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
We can’t always get everyone to live at peace with us. But, our obligation is to have integrity in regard to how we handle the “case” between us and our neighbor. Not only will be get “shame” to us when we don’t have integrity, but we can also assure that the dispute will continue on and on. There is no end to a dispute if we refuse to handle the conflict in the correct manner. This proverb tell us to:
1. Go directly to the person.
2. Keep the conflict in confidence and ONLY between the two of you.
3. “Arguing” about something is OKAY. There comes a time when you have to present your case. Yes, the same writer will also say
Proverbs 19:11
Good sense makes one slow to anger,
and it is his glory to overlook an offense.
But, when it is time to argue, argue!!
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