Proverbs 27:9 (NASBStr)
Oil and perfume make the heart glad,
so a man's counsel is sweet to his friend.
Have you ever needed an encouraging word from someone? Or, have you have been in the place where you need a good kick in the pants? Imagine going to a friend and you are in need of some encouragement and he kicks you in the pants. Or, imagine you need a good kick in the pants and the friend simply puts his arm around you and flatters you with encouragement. Not much of a friend, really. A good friend is not afraid to say the necessary words no matter what we may think. A good friend with great and timely words is like incense burning in a home. It is like perfume on a beautiful women. We love walking into a home when a nice candle has been burning for some time. It smells nice. Do you feel the same way about earnest council from a friend? Solomon has just told us that even a kick in the pants can feel good, when appropriately given and received:
Proverbs 27:6 (NASBStr)
Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
Even if a friend wounds you it is good, having been given and received in faith. But, those who don't encourage us or give us an appropriate good word, are deceitful. A kiss that is covering the truth is destructive. When someone makes our heart glad with an appropriate word of counsel it is sweet and smelly ... in a good kinda way.
I work in the business of providing counsel to people. Believers and non-believers alike actually pay me to give them words of advice, warnings of danger and/or whisperings of encouragement. I get paid by the hour. That means the longer I take to tell them these words the more wealth is accumulated. Quite the gig. However, the above proverb gives me three warnings that I need to heed in my business of coaching, as well as anyone who offers wisdom to others:
1. Free or Fee. The first warning to learn is that the comparison of a man's counsel to oil and perfume indicates such words should be of equal value. Oil and perfume in the day of Solomon was a precious commodity. It speaks of value. Don't offer tidbits for diamonds. The counsel we give others is valuable and should be valued. Don't trifle by giving the trivial. Give others valuable counsel ... it only comes from making sure your counsel is tied to God's Word (Psalm 33:11).
2. The second lesson for us to gather from the above proverb is that the counsel we give should not be painful for the listener. In human terms we might call it "couching" our words. Solomon tells us that Godly counsel from the Godly man should be smooth like oil and smell as refreshing as perfume (Psalm 133:2). Don't make your words harmful. Others should be drawn to Godly counsel. Note Jesus. Even though He torched the Pharisees, they kept coming back for more ... oil and perfume.
3. The last warning in the above proverb is subtle but sound: If you are going to provide counsel speak to the heart not the head. Note that the wise man gives counsel that makes the "heart" glad. The Hebrew for “heart” was “the seat of the will.” The word is used 860 times in the OT, often referring to the inner man. The object of great counsel is not to simply stimulate the head. Paul warns us that knowledge puffs up the person's ego. True Biblical counsel and true Wisdom comes from God's Word and enters the heart. For someone to experience change they must have their heart challenged ... the seat of their will. If you want to be a person who provides great counsel to others you need to heed the warnings of this proverb.
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